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Ode to a Kebab
Tasty!

Adventure / Comedy / Non-Fiction

 
by Peter
2001-09-28

more from this writer:
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Ode to a Kebab: a tribute in text and photographs

Aha! A freshly procured kebab platter from Jerusalem Shaworma, NYC. While waiting for the kebab to fully cook, the man serving it gleefully shouted "On the HOUSE!" and handed me a hummus-dipped pita to munch on while I waited. Kebab people are good people.

Spinning around your juices drip
Spin cook spin cook spin
You make me dribble on my lip
Saliva on my chin


Kebab, I see you, peeking out from behind that soda! How succulent. My mouth waters.

Mahir asks "Chilli sauce?" of me
And wields his giant knife
Towards you he strides galantly
And takes from you a slice


Watch while I devour you, fair thing of cullinary beauty!

Your chili sauce and salad garnish
All these things we love
Your reputation can never tarnish
Although they push and shove


Argh! Attack!

As i chew upon your meat
So flavoursome and juicy
The chili sauce upon my feet
Resembles Gary Busey


Argh! I wash you down with soda!

Hey Mister, your so tasty With your juicy juicy meat
Hey Mister, you're never pasty
You're a wholesome treat


Delightful!

Wrap him up. Wrap him well.
In a Pita, he'll think it's swell.


Mmmm.

Add some salad, add a chili.
Wash your hands, Don't you touch your willy.
Finish off with chili sauce.
Complement with Lager, of course


Kebab, I feast on you!

Your Turkish friends rally around
Attending to your needs
And when i give them my £2.00
You are my tasty feed


Finishing off the pepper garnish...

Although you cook while rotating
With flies licking your shank
And fall off in your grease floatating
Money in the bank


Finis!

Kebabs, as we all know, are the
staple of any well balanced diet.
The humble Doner Kebab, with
it's hot chilli sauce beautifully
offsetting the subtle flavour of
the lamb. Of course, there's
salad in there for the ladies too.


A happy customer of Jarusalem Shaworma.

Repeat as needed...


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Netföng! : peter, youre fuckin mad. i think i love you!



austin : i am very hungry.



Nadia : Argrrrhrgrhgrhh ATTACK!! PLunder!! ransack!! RAAAAAAA



Peter :
austin, if you (or anyone for that matter) are ever in nyc, i'll treat you to "america's most amazing kebab dinner". its a cullinary epiphany of sorts. they even have un-pronouncable turkish beer there. wow. and the whole meal was only $4. aww yeah.



Nadia : Cool! I'll keep that in mind! I IS the conquerer of KEBABYS!!



Nadia : Hahahaha.. i think ive gone crazy.. im reading everything wrong.. heck who cares... lunacy here i come! vrooom! BURN BURN RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SQUISH IT!!!



weeb : pure genius



Herr Doktor : DUDE! you should make this an ongoing series- isnt NYC full of weird foods? i'm thinking SASHIMI BRAWL, man.



Hallett : I have strong NYC kebab cravings at least once a month. Perhaps you or essemar could mail me one?



Peter :
i think a Gyro would be especially postal-worthy, although leaky tzatziki sauce might render the mail-sorter useless.



kat : see him suck his fingers
lick his lips
greasy greasy yummy Peter
deep dicking kabobs
and cleaning his plate.



leonard : finally, someone with some class.



orion : I'd have to say my first love is asian cuisine. Then texmex. But greek food will always have a special place in my heart (and stomach) due to this yummy place just off the UT campus in austin. Gyros! How I love you!



Alan : I spent some time working in a small town in England. After we had hit the pubs and clubs, we would head toward the one central taxi queue for late night pick ups. Just across the street, there was this great little late night place with fantastic kebabs. We would grab a kebab and then hit the line for a cab. There was just a wonderful camaraderie between a bunch of drunks standing in the rain waiting for a cab while munching on a kebab.



egg : oh yes.



Jamie : don't i get credit for the poems pete?



Peter :
Ahem, jamie... regards link at top called "text"...



Jamie : oh yeah... duh



karenlee : I lived in a suburb once that had a Returned Services club that sported on its front lawn a.....DONER KEBAB FOUNTAIN...yes, that's right, the little slaty stones were all stacked up on each other, forming a wonderful meaty tower, over which the water flowed, giving a delightful likeness of the real thing. We went down there one morning with a big carving knife to take photos but the nice man shooed us away.



Peter to karenlee :
alas, almost 8 months later, i am no longer a partaker of the kebabs; and after spending a few months avoiding big slabs of meat (and generally living healthier) ive found that im much happier and such; however, there is and will always be a doner kebab shaped void in my heart.



jo to Peter : peter, i hope that your hiatus from meat won't stop you from taking terrifying pictures of yourself and food items, as those are my favorite swinney contributions of yours. the pizza was a good step; perhaps there is in the future a picture of PETER + FALAFEL?



jo : oh god i can't believe i just mentioned falafel and now have a huge falafel craving and did in fact JUST walk from spider house, which is across the fucking street from tom's tabooley which has my favorite falafel in town. and here i am. home. falafel-less. watching snl reruns on tv, slurping my smoothie, oh so desirous of FALAFEL, HOLY HOLY FALAFEL.



austin to austin : i find myself here again, commenting, "i am hungry."



Peter to jo :
ohhh!!! now it is settled: i must walk across broadway to jerusalem shaworma for supper tonight and get a falafel sandwich. i havent had one in months. heres hoping the man recognizes me and gives me the usual extra tahini!



weeb : Add some salad, add a chili.
Wash your hands, Don't you touch your willy.

oh the splender of your prose, Peter.



karenlee to Peter : Hey don't stop at the falafel...look at that monumental rotating juicy oily fly catcher and tell me you don't want some!....BIG YEEROS YEAH.



Peter to weeb :
Of course, there's salad in there for the ladies too. i like that line, for some reason. kebabs, kebabs for everyone!



austin to Peter : that looks like a plate of idigestion.



Peter to austin :
the pepper garnish was the best part.



karenlee : The first picture is the best one. For sure.



trouble : i want to watch thursays Wings game at the golden fleece.



Peter to trouble :
oh man, greasy goodness! also: flaming cheese!



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